Half Arsed Religion
There is more than one theory of Intelligent Design, and one that is threatening to take over as 'the' theory to oppose evolution is that put forward by The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its followers, the Pastafarians.



The church has evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. Not only that, they also have proof that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s; Pirates are "absolute divine beings" in Pastafarianism.



For a good explanation of what it's all about view the wikipedia articles on the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster which includes the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts".

Errant Apostrophes - don't you hate that?
There are too many apostrophes out there... seems we must use them!

It started when a work colleague decided that my surname should be D'acre (when asked he said - "frogs have apostrophes... you're a frog"). Well I haven't been french since the Norman invasion (1066) so how long should an apostrophe last?

There are occasions where an apostrophe is OK to use, I have used some already.
- When two words are contracted into one; don't, can't, you're. These are OK, as long as you don't use them in academic writing, sometimes it sounds silly without them, do not you hate that.
- When indicating possesion; Tracy's fiance (sometimes that is shortened to 'Praj')

When it is not OK to use an apostrophe
- Plurals; apple's for sale, oversea's holiday
- Its...

It's - It is a special case
- Only use when contracting (that's right, working as a lone ranger or for a consulting company...) or when you are shortening "it is".
- Do not use for possesion or plurals. "The dog ate its bone" is correct, unless the bone was on the table as part of a leg of lamb, in which case it is still correct, but you have a naughty dog.

Plenty of people have written more on this subject so if you are interested have a look at the Apostrophe Protection Society or the Humble Apostrophe - a very important little squiggle

The Test - win a prize!
1. Is there an unintentional errant apostrophe in the above post?
2. Where is the errant apostrophe in the Super 14 rugby final players below?
- Lome Fa'atau, Ma'a Nonu, Rodney So'oialo, Tane Tu'ipulotu, Niva Ta'auso, Johnny Leo'o, Mose Tuiali'i

Yes it is a trick question. Winners receive a free meal for one at the restaurant of our choice in Melbourne*.
*conditions apply

Not a political post
In the wonderful country that is John Howard's Australia (yes it is now the official name of the country, sports teams will be called "John Howards Australian Wallabies" TV programs "John Howard's Australian Idol" for example) there are still beggars on the street.

1. The enterprising, some people call them buskers, but really all they are doing is begging but doing something half arsed to get you to part with your money. If I paint myself white and stand like a statue people will give me money. Where is the talent in that? (knock knock - who's there? - statue - statue who? - s'tat you bro?)
2. Then there are those that front you - "can you spare me $3.40 so I can get a train home?" I bet if you offered him a MetCard (Melbourne transport) he'd be pissed off. One guy approached me several times over the weekend with the same question (obviously chroming isnt good for the memory). I asked him why he keeps coming into the city if he's always trying to get home. Hey get an apartment in the city mate, save on train fare!
3. The dirtiest clothes, no eye contact, sits in a corner with something for money. One guy was at the entrance to Melbourne Central Station, sitting with his hoodie well over his eyes, not even a sign with a plea. The container for money was completely empty - ahhh train guy has probably got home!

Storm vs Cowboys
OK, I'm a union fan, so why am I reviewing a league game? Well the Cowboys are from Queensland and its not AFL. The game was average, the Cowboys were less than average... so what is left?

Ahh the half arsed experience of watching league in Melbourne (when your team loses).

1. The Storm mascot "Storm Man": Runs a round a lot, has a scooter (how half arsed), borrowed a cowbell from a fan and promptly broke the drum stick.

2. The Stadium: There is more leg room on a Virgin Blue flight and most food is sold from caravans (think country show). Grounds with an athletics track around the outside are crap!

3. The fans: Old guy who just grunted a lot - not sure why, or who he supported. Storm fan who liked to comment on every play and show he knew every players name, "go Cameron", "oh great 'D' Matty". The Cowboys fan who got the shits with the Storm Fan, told him he was "talking shit"... something you dont do when your team is losing 18-0!!

I decided at half time that I would support the cheerleaders in the second half, and I came away a winner!

Why is 12 that important - part 2
Gra made a good point (refer comments to original post). Shouldn't it be threeteen, not thirteen... and this got us to thinking. Lets get back to basics (something that apparently everyone from football coaches to teachers wants us to do).

We have tens, hundreds, thousands etc.. lets just call our numbers as follows:
1- 10; keep as is
11 - 99; starts with one-ten-one ends with nine-ten-nine. The current fifty seven (or fiddy seven if you from tha hood) becomes five-ten-seven.
100-110; keep as is
111 - 999; one-hundred one-ten-one to nine-hundred nine-ten-nine
ok you get the gist..

Obviously rapper Fiddy Cent will now be called Five-Ten Cent, Prince may have to sing that he'll 'party till its one-ten-nine nine-ten-nine', and I'm not sure what we will do with the old episodes of Hawaii Five-O.

Is it OK to make half arsed jokes about miners yet?
Is the rumour true that the miners were actually part of a new TV reality show and that they were both really pissed to be eliminated in a double eviction this morning. "We were just starting to get the hang of living in a cage when we heard someone with a deep voice say that it was 'time to go'. It can only have been Big Brother." They were also disappointed to find that it was only Mel & Kochie that were there to greet them and that Gretel was nowhere to be seen.

Others of course have seen the real reason they stayed underground; the chance to meet Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters who has invited the two miners to join him for a beer when they are freed. Dave will no doubt also be looking up the mine spokesperson who said the miners had received iPods with their favourite music. "Apparently, one is Foo Fighters - I'm showing my age, 'cause I don't know who they are. It is country and western, I believe... "

Or were they delayed because someone gave them two shovels and told them to take their pick...

And talking of trapped in things, illusionist David Blaine was rescued out of his water-filled sphere in New York today after failing to hold his breath for a world record-breaking nine minutes, he blacked out after seven minutes (how half arsed of you David). His doctor said he "... did not appear to have sustained any brain damage." Given that Blaine has previously spent 44 days in a box suspended over the River Thames in London, 61 hours encased in a block of ice as well as one week buried in a coffin, I am not sure how they could actually tell! Todays stunt was billed as "Drowned Alive"; obviously he failed.

The Half-Arsed Olympics
So the Commonwealth Games are on in Melbourne... just like a half-arsed Olympic Games. Some people say that having countries that you have never heard of finishing miles behind the rest of the field is what makes the Comm Games unique. I say its what makes them half-arsed. Of course the Australian media are are making the most of screwing it up for the rest of the country/world. I say 'Comm' Games because it seems that three syllables are too much for the average tv presenter or commentator. I can't wait until we have the Foot World Cup this year, the Rug World Cup next year and the O Games the year after (and there is the Melb Come Festival soon). Of course not content to shorten the name it seems that the medal ceremonies only have an australian component. If an Aussie wins gold then that's all we see, or gold and silver then we see them. Poor non-australians who win bronze... pfffft.

Of course the Commonwealth is basically a group of countries that England conquered so that they would have someone to play cricket against... and they dont even have cricket at the games!!

However, the free stuff around the games has been superb. A Festival with heaps of free entertainment all over the city, day and nite - and not a medal ceremony to be seen.

Movie Review: Match Point
Unless you have a thing for Scarlett Johansson, who gives her best performance(white linen blouse... lotsa rain) since she was the voice of Princess Mindy in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, then I can save two hours of your life. DONT GO!.
Is tedious, with two dimensional characters and an unbelievable plot. Woody, go back to making movies in New York!

We're Back

To the hundreds of people that have emailed us asking why the posts to the blog have dried up… we say to you “read the blog title!” To post on a regular basis would hardly be half arsed would it now?

So its 2006 – Christmas has been and gone… many blog posts have been half (arsed) written and discarded, gems like why are yellow cabs in Brisbane orange in colour, and Silver Top cabs in Melbourne don’t have a silver top.

Maybe a movie review or two this year – I will review the emotional thought provoking movies, many that have no endings (its about the journey); Praj will review movies that have a chopper in them ("… the best movies have choppers, guns and explosions in them.” Basnet, 2006)

Brokeback Mountain: A little long and my arse got sore after a while (I think Heath Ledger said that too). So with the double entendre out of the way… Unless you have been living under a rock then you know the story. Of course once you realise that these guys aren’t actually cowboys but shepherds (no cattle only sheep) then you know the 'John Wayne' image of a cowboy is in serious trouble. However the story aint about sheep rustling or just about gay (bi-sexual actually) cowboys; it is about romance, it is about pain - as Ennis (Heath Ledger) wrestles between what he feels for Jack and his family responsibilities, over 20 years. Ang Lee directs hmmm... A Chinese director on a film about gay cowboys with a wanker(HL) as its star with Alberta Canada pretending to be Wyoming... but it works! [BD]

Predator: This is the movie that started the Chopper craze with Arnie's (the Governator) immortal words, "....run, get to the chopper", where the word chopper should be pronounced more like choppah. Anyway, this movies got it all, guns, arnie, an alien, a fight between an alien and arnie, a chopper, and more guns and explosions. Anyway there's also a plot (I believe all movies have a plot, just that some movies don't consider it as important a component as others). Basically, arnie and his commando buddies are in a jungle somewhere on rescue mission, when people start getting killed by a alien - the predator, and only Arnie stands in his way........ [PB]